Lacerations, Shit Shirts And Parenting

This weekend I have been parenting alone. Why, and what happened? I hear you ask.

The wife went away to London with her brother, sister and niece to see her nephew. This has left me in charge of the children I produced. As I work full time I don't often have the kids all to myself. With the wife away and the kids the way they are, it reminded me of this scene in Friends...

The first night.

I picked the kids up from Kerry's mum's house after I finished work and off we went home for tea. Tea was uneventful, thankfully. Then came bath time!

Whilst the kids were playing in the bath, I decided to get a shave. The kids then decided to start bickering with each other and in the ensuing disturbance I ended up cutting myself.

Once the laceration had been dealt with (thankfully I'm first aid trained) I started to wash the kids. I realised I forgot to get the towels out of the cupboard. Up I get and gingerly cross the landing to the airing cupboard. It was at this point that this happened...

I'm pretty pleased my 75-year-old neighbours have gone away! Once the bathtime shenanigans had finished, it was time for bed. Alice got a bit upset because she missed her mum but was ok after a few minutes. I read her a story and she fell asleep within ten minutes. Happy days. Joseph got into bed and watched TV for a bit, he is always good at bedtime so I had no worries there. 

The next morning.

I wake up at 7:40am to this...

Apparently, I'm not good enough. Children are fickle little gits.

Once we got downstairs, Alice professed that she required an orange for breakfast. Good girl...


We had woken up to it chucking it down. Id heard it raining throughout the night so this had scuppered any plans we might have had. We were going to my Grandma's in the afternoon so we decided to go into town in the morning, rain or not! I bribed told the kids to be good and I would buy them a DVD and a trip to Costa if they were good today.

Going into town on a Saturday is not the best move, but I needed to keep the kids entertained and my sanity intact.

In November we go to Florida for two weeks. When we go away I always like to get a Hawaiian shirt or some other "shite shirt". The Mrs hates the fact I do this, so, whilst she is away, I thought it would be the best time to buy one...

What do you think?

It's a bit tight across my back but being able to see Kerry's face when I go out in public with it on may very well be all the inspiration I need to lose a bit of weight.

As promised, I took the kids for a DVD each. Joseph decided on a WrestleMania DVD and Alice settled on a Pingu one (Uhhhh!).

On the way back to the car I gave the kids £1 each to give to a homeless guy that sits outside one of the 75 million costa shops we have. He couldn't believe we gave him £2 altogether, a small gesture like this had really made him smile! The kids liked handing him the money and Joseph said "did you see the smile on his face!". 

Off we went to their great Grandmas house. The kids were their usual selves. A bit of bickering but mostly well behaved and they made my Gran laugh on numerous occasions. She said the afternoon would have been really boring without us being there, so the visit was well worth it!

Just before bed, Kerry rang to speak to the kids. She also had a few words to say about my fantastic new shirt. I'll leave it up to you to decide what those words were! As expected, Alice ended up crying her eyes out because her mum wasn't at home. I told her she would be home tomorrow tea time and there isn't long to go, she soon calmed down. I think the shirt has special calming powers.

The last day.

The last day is better off not being talked about. The kids were, how shall I put it... 


Bickering with each other all day, answering me back and just a general attitude about everything. They were clearly missing their mum. 

Kerry arrived home at about 6:45pm and the kids were full of big smiles and cuddles for her. They each got a little present from mummies time in London. 

We got them in bed then ordered a Chinese, we were both starving! 

I couldn't wait to get in bed. 

What did you all get up to this past weekend?