What Are The Best Dad Jokes?

Everyone loves a good dad joke. Becoming a dad for the first time is great for several reasons, one of the best, clearly, is using all the dad jokes you've learnt over the years and being able to swat up on even more jokes in readiness for the perfect opportunity to deliver them to an unsuspecting audience.


Below I have found my favourite dad jokes from a few joke books we have and websites.


Whats your favourite dad joke?


Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

What’s brown and sticky? A stick. - A personal favourite of mine!

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

If I had a £1 coin for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

“How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise, they’d be uncles.”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.

What did one snowman say to the other one?  “Do you smell carrots?”

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?  It said concentrate!

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t I’ve cut off your arms!”

“What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got little legs.”

Last night Kerry and I watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.

A Sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”

“Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places” Doctor “Well don’t go to those places.”

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat. - This actually made me LOL

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”

Let me know in the comments if you have a favourite dad joke that hasn't made my list.


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