December 10, 2017

Time is precious

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Being a parent, time seems to fly by. I can't believe that my son is 6 years old, I can still remember bringing him home for the first time! I'm now 31, Kerry and I have been together since we were 19. I can still remember the times we would sit in the car and talk for hours after going out somewhere on a night. Now we have two children and have been married for seven years!

I was contacted by Jord to review one of their beautiful watches. All of Jord watches are made of wood! Yes, you read that correctly, wood. I never knew that wood watches were a thing until I started blogging. Since then I have dreamt of owning one. Now I do.

wooden watch wrapped around a hessian cushion with the display box behind it

November 21, 2017

How to make slime

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Making slime is a craze that is still going on after months and months. I decided it was time for me and Joseph to give it a bash and see if it was as easy as people where saying.




For the slime, we used PVA Glue, water,  a jar, bicarbonate soda, Contact lens solution from Boots as it contained boric acid which you need to make the slime work in a slimy manner. We also had some paint to give it some colour. 

Joseph was very excited to have a go at this. The below instructions we used are taken from Hobbcrafts website and you can find them here.

1. Begin by filling your jar approximately 1/4 full of PVA glue.

2. Top up with about 1/8 jar of water (you want half as much water as glue, or slightly less).

3. Use a lollipop stick to mix until the water is completely incorporated into the glue.

4. Add your colours and embellishments! Squeeze in some paint, and mix until you reach your desired colour – it doesn’t matter how much paint you add. At this point, you can also mix in any embellishments you want to add such as glitter or sequins.

5. Take your contact lense solution and add approximately 2 tablespoons to your glue mix, stirring thoroughly. You should feel the mixture thicken ever so slightly at this point as you mix, but it will look quite runny still.

6. Now for the magic! Add approximately 1 teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda, and mix quickly and thoroughly! After a few minutes, it will start to thicken and begin coming away from the sides of the jar. When it starts to come away cleanly from the sides of the top half of the jar, it’s time to get your hands in there…

7. Pour the slime out into your hands or on a wipe-clean work surface. Use your hands to manipulate and massage the slime – the more you work it, the less sticky it becomes and more it sticks to itself. It is ready when it no longer sticks all over your fingers. 




The slime didn't turn out exactly as we planned and it wasn't very stretchy but we will definitely try it again as the ingredients are very easy to use.

Have you had any success making slime?


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November 14, 2017

Parenting made easier with a tablet

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Technology impacts almost every part of our life. Can you remember a time when there wasn't a smartphone or a tablet in someone's hand? Children that were born in the last ten years (at least) will never remember a time like that.



There are many arguments as to whether all this technology is good or bad for us. Technology for me is a very good thing. It has made my life easier, especially being a parent. I first got a tablet about 4 years ago. We didn't have a laptop back then and I wanted something easy to use and very portable, so I went with a Samsung Tablet. I have had a few different tablets since then, especially with the introduction of children into my life. These were great for helping Joseph with his phonics when he first started school. He also loved learning on them as it was like watching a tiny TV.

If you haven't got a tablet but are thinking of getting one then take a look at why I think a tablet can help make a parents life that little bit easier.


Home management

Whether you're a stay at home parent or you go to work, you can use a tablet for a variety of things. Are you run ragged with all the different jobs that come with being a parent? Then you can easily create to-do lists. If your children are at that special age where they like to scream blue murder everytime you go anywhere in public then shopping etc can feel like a slog. I use my tablet to do my shopping, you can then even get your food delivered to your door. You can buy your clothes online and either get them delivered or click and collect at your nearest store (if you're brave enough to venture out that is). Toy shopping for your children at Christmas is always hard due to the fact that they are generally always hanging off one of your legs, shopping on my tablet is made easy, and I can do it with a cuppa when the kids have gone to bed. Trips to the bank are one of the things I hate to do the most, not much need to if you've set up internet banking, you can transfer money etc all from the comfort of your destroyed living room (thanks, kids).

Education

Encarta 99 (who remembers this?) was the encyclopedia of choice back when I was in school. Now you don't have to search high and low for that floppy disk, you can just turn on the wifi and you have all of the information you need at your fingertips with sites such as Wikipedia. There was a time when, if you wanted further education, you had to go to college, university or a night school. You can still do all that of course but you can also do courses online, I have done a few courses on my tablet in the last few years as I could study them at my own pace and I didn't have to leave the house. Now, you might think that as a parent why would I not want to leave the house alone if I had the choice? After a hard day parenting, I'm sure the stay at home parents would agree that once the kids are in bed the last thing you would want to do is go to a night school? Get the tablet out and study at home!



There is also the fact that your children can use the tablets, Joseph uses Ipads at his school so it helps that he can use mine for his school work. Kids also tend to love watching YouTube, I recently just found out that "Daddy finger" was a thing. If you have no idea what I'm talking about here, congratulations! DO NOT SEARCH FOR THIS! it is the most annoying thing you will ever watch/hear. My son also loves to watch people unwrap kinder eggs, I have no idea why but these videos have millions of views! It makes me want to grab my tablet, record Joseph opening some stuff and sit back and watch the money roll in.

A phone can do this too

Yes, of course it can, but tablets are bigger than phones which makes them easier to view. In my opinion, they are not as easily damaged as mobile phones. You can still get tablets that can fit a ladies bag or even a coat pocket, depending on the size you want. With most tablets you can also buy Bluetooth keyboards, this is especially handy if you do a lot of typing, say if you're a blogger!



I wouldn't be without my tablet

I'm so glad I bought a tablet 4 years ago, we have two in our house and they have made things just that little bit easier. They also keep the kids quiet when you want just a couple of minutes peace! My son loves it and not just for the YouTube videos, he loves his learning apps also! Most tablets nowadays have a child safety option which will stop them from gaining access to things they shouldn't or spending all your money on apps you don't need!

This post has been created in collaboration with KCOM (who sent me a free tablet) to showcase the benefits of a home tablet for parents and kids alike. They currently have an incentive to receive a free tablet with their broadband packages – more information can be found on their website here








Monday Stumble Linky
November 12, 2017

Hornsea Garden Centre

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Hornsea Garden centre is situated in Sigglesthorne, it is a part of the British garden centre group. Last week we decided to go and see their Christmas stock. We love going to garden centres to see all the Christmas displays and this garden centre has to be one of the best.



This garden centre has had a pretty big renovation in the last year and has grown drastically from what it was like two years when we first took the trip after Alice was born.

As you walk in the entrance you are greeted with service desk and a display of some kind. This time there was a Christmas tree and an outside scene with a deer, birdhouse a fence with some Christmas decorations on amongst many other things. The display was well set up and I couldn't wait to see the rest of the centre.

This centre sells everything you would expect from a garden centre, garden tools, buildings, plants etc. It also has an aquatic area, the kids love this area. Alice loves shouting "Big" at all the larger fishes and "yellow" at anything and everything yellow. We first went into the area with all the plants. They're hundreds to choose from. There's also a mahoosive gorilla statue that would look bitchin in my garden. Instead of buying it this time we decided to settle for a photo of the kids next to it.

We were also treated to a band singing, this wasn't your typical band. Unless your typical bands nowadays are polar bears. They were belting out all the classic Christmas hits (I don't really want to get into the fact that it is far too early for Christmas songs). They did play my favourite Christmas song "Rockin around the Christmas tree so I'll let them off. Joseph had a little dance with Alice in front of the stage. Laughter and fun times were had by all.



We got to the Christmas section and were greeted with lots of Christmas lights and lots of inspiration. There were different colour themes as you moved around the store which I think is great if you are after a specific colour scheme. You can check out the photos in the gallery at the bottom of the post.
My favourite product has to be the fake fires that were in some of the displays, they were a bit out of my price range though as I saw one for £300. All the decorations seemed very reasonably priced for the detail that they had on them. One bauble I saw was priced at £2.50 which I didn't think was bad considering the size of it. It wasn't the type of bauble where you would have twenty on your tree so the price is fine.

The place was bustling, the whole atmosphere was very Christmassy. I think that's a word. We even stumbled upon an outside area we hadn't seen before which had some plants and huge dinosaur statues that you could buy! I'm not sure who would have a giant T-Rex statue in their garden but if you are that person, please send me a photo as I'd love to see it!

There were plenty of staff around if you needed them for anything. We didn't need anything as we just went for a look around ao I can't really comment on the service this time. All the colleagues that I saw interacting with other customers were polite and helpful.

Once we'd done the Christmas area we moved into the furniture area. Some of the furniture in this area is a bit pricey for me but it is very nice. As we were walking through I noticed a mirror and a settee, these we made with denim jeans (again there is a photo in the gallery). I'm not sure why I liked this but I really did. I don't think the Mrs was impressed so it won't be something I will be purchasing in this lifetime.



After this area came the toys, cakes and other garden equipment. There is also a cafe and toilets which include a disabled toilet and baby changing facilities. Thumbs up! The kids loved the toy section, obviously. All the toys were reasonably priced. They had a good selection of Lego, wrestling figures and many other toys for boys. They also had plenty of toys for girls and toddlers. Alice was particularly impressed with the plastic kitchen they had on display. She was busy cooking me something, or if she's anything like the wife, burning something.

Once we prised the kids away from the toy section we made our way to the exit. We had picked up some Disney pot sticks for £1 each which were the dwarfs from Snow White and the seven dwarfs. This Mrs was uber happy as she loves Disney and so was I because I'm a tight arse and spending only £4 on a shopping visit to anywhere with the wife and kids is a good day for me! The girl at the checkout was polite and served me quickly and efficiently. We will definitely be going back before Christmas. If you live around the area and haven't been, you really should give Hornsea garden centre a visit.



Photo Gallery by QuickGallery.com


 I was not asked to review this garden centre, all opinions are my own

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October 25, 2017

Old School Posts Linky 13

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October 22, 2017

Should Facebooks age restriction be higher?

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Facebook. It's by far the most popular social media site in the world. Almost everyone has heard of it. According to the statistic brain, 52% of students have reported that they have been bullied online, and 84% of that was on Facebook!



Does cyberbullying worry you? Have you let your child have a facebook account or other social media account? There are always a higher than expected (than I would expect anyway) number of reports of children being bullied online and then those children do something drastic because of this.


Should the use of social media be taught in schools?

I'm sure that Facebook is aware of the statistics and I am sure they have a "policy" for this but, is this enough? I have often seen videos of violence, bullying etc on facebook which I always report. If I can see that then so can children. I think there should be a few lessons in schools, probably primary school and early secondary school on the dangers that social media can bring. The rest is up to the parents of the children.

A new craze amongst kids

This week in the local news there was a report that an 11-year-old had gone missing for over 24 hours. Her family were worried sick as you might expect. After 24 hours she was found and it was the story after she was found that I was reading. Her grandmother had said, "Facebook should not be allowed for children under 16". Facebook already has an age restriction of 13 years old but in the case of the story above, this has been bypassed. My first thought is that it would be a good ideatidea to raise it but,

Would it stop cyberbullying? No, children will always find ways to interact online which will inevitably lead to cyberbullying somewhere.

How would facebook verify this? Anyone with half a brain can put a false date of birth into a computer to make sure that it looks like they're 16 or older. 

The grandmother had said that she had no indication that her granddaughter had taken part in a new craze but wanted to warn other parents of it also. This new craze involves kids egging on other kids to "go missing" for 48 hours. The child that goes missing then gains more points per mention on social media!

Seriously, kids these days are just plain idiotic sometimes. They clearly have no idea of the panic that this causes the family and clearly, have no idea of what could actually happen to them whilst they have gone "missing"...

So, should Facebooks age restriction be raised?


In my opinion, no. It is up to the parents of the children to correctly warn their children of the dangers of social media and what can happen whilst on there. As I said above, children will always find a way online to communicate with each other, at least on Facebook, as a parent you could easily get access to their account, especially if, as part of the conditions of using facebook or other social media you are the one that sets up the account. 

What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments

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Monday Stumble Linky
October 18, 2017

Old School Posts Linky 12

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October 15, 2017

3 things I hate about parenting

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So, you've taken the decision to have kids. Well done, me too. I had two of them. 50% of my children I've had for a whole 6 years!


Having a child is the most amazing thing that I think human beings can have. Apart from your own aeroplane with a Jacuzzi in it, obviously.

This means that being a parent is also the most amazing thing, right? Yes, it is amazing. Getting to see your children grow up before your very eyes and see what type of person they become is the greatest feeling in the world.

There are however some,  what we shall call, "shit times". These are the times when you want to jab a pen into your eyes so you don't have to watch any more of your child's favourite tv programme, amongst many other things.

There are so many parents out there that across all forms of social media, show how perfect their life is, how perfect little Timothy is and how he would never shit in his own garden or pick his nose on a bus and eat the bits from said nose whilst staring intently at the person opposite. To those parents, I call

BULLSHIT!

Your life isn't perfect, let's be honest, Timothy is just as much a prick as the rest our kids when he wants to be.

Here are the top 3 things that I hate about parenting

Teatime

"Yeah ill have waffles"

*cooks waffles and gives to first born child

"I don't like these waffles"

Or

"I don't like jam sandwiches"

"But you have had them 5 times a week for 3 years?!"

"Well I don't like jam"

It's amazing how quickly they can go from loving something to hating it. Sometimes having to resort to "Well your just going to have to have cereal for tea then" is the only way. What else do you do when 2 different meals have already been made for one child because they decided that "that spaghetti is too orange".

Lone dumps

Lone dumps are a thing of the past. I cant say that before kids I had ever had an audience whilst releasing a chocolate snake. Now it's inevitable. It's very disconcerting when my daughter stands there staring at me, eye to eye with a, slightly demonic smile. Sometimes she'll pass me the toilet roll so at least she's being helpful. Sometimes she'll try and throw things down the bog whilst I'm on it. 

Hopefully, she'll grow out of this before she starts dating.


Kids TV shows

When I was a kid, TV shows where awesomely supreme. Fireman Sam, Postman Pat and Thomas The Tank Engine were favourites. Now they're computer generated and to politically correct. Ponty Pandy has the most diverse group of people in one area I have ever seen! Then you had Arthur, Recess, Hey Arnold, Fun House and even My Parents Are Aliens, come on, you know that was a classic.

Now you've got weird shit with weird people on it. I've always had a thing against adults over the age of about 25 presenting or being part of kids TV. It feels weird, Mr Tumble is a particular character I have a feeling of hate for. He's just a bit too "into it" for my liking.  

The fact that our kids love these shows is the worst thing about it. My daughter loves Peppa Pig. I had to cancel my Sky Sports package as I could never watch it. You should see what happens when you try and turn Peppa off, it really is a sight to behold.

What are your most hated things about parenting? Let me know in the comments below.







Monday Stumble Linky
October 15, 2017

The Santa Talk

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Santa, Saint Nic, that fat prick with the big sack, are all names that we associate with the big jolly fellow Father Christmas.

That isn't a condom about to slap Santa in the face, I think.

Father Christmas has a lot to answer in my opinion, he bribes children to be good with presents

"Stranger Danger!"

He also, once a year breaks into your house. Yes, he leaves cool presents, unless your dad and he leaves you socks but still, he has committed a crime! 
If you're a bit of a traditionalist you may leave him some form of alcohol. He seems to do a lot of drinking and flying, yet gets away with it! It amazes me what a stack load of presents can get you out of!

*SPOILER ALERT!*

We all know that Father Christmas ain't real.

Soz if you just found out!

Pretty much every parent tells their children about the magic of Christmas and includes Santa in these stories. It gets our children excited and there is nothing better than seeing our children's faces light up at the thought of Christmas! My Kids love it, well Joseph does. Alice is still a bit too young to understand yet. Joseph loves leaving a glass of daddies Disarano out for him and a carrot for Rudolph. I'm pretty sure Rudolph is going to prefer a Dairy Milk this year. 

Last year the Mrs left out "footprints" from Santa so Joseph could see them in the morning. His face was a picture! 

At some point though there comes the realisation that you need to tell your children the truth.

When is the right age to tell a child that Santa isn't real? Again, soz if I've spoilt it but you really should pay attention, you could have found out earlier in the post. 

As Joseph has only just turned 6 he is a long way off finding out about this. We do tell him that we buy some of the present but that we send them to Santa so he can deliver them to him if he's a good boy. The Mrs and I haven't discussed when we would tell him, as I said he is still very young.

For those of you with older kids, how did you go about telling them? What age were they? If they had a brother/sister how did you get them to not blurt it out to them? Bribery? 

We have a 4 year age gap between our kids so Joseph will know for quite a while before Alice does, hopefully. 

Let me know your thoughts...


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October 12, 2017

Growing old gracefully

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"Who the hell sings this crap?!" I find myself saying things like this more and more these days. I used to know all the current bands that were in the charts. Do they even have the charts anymore? Now I'm lucky if I could name one artist.



As I approach 31 this coming Monday I have been thinking more about how I thought about things when I was about 18 and how I think about them now. Does anyone else do this?

"It wasn't like that in my day!"

Today I arrived at work at 5:40 am. As I got out of the car I looked across the road and saw two blokes and two ladies stumbling down the street, clearly still pissed up and walking home.

Walking home! At 5:40 am, as I was going to work! ON A THURSDAY MORNING!! This never happened when I used to go out. Also, who the hell goes out on a Wednesday night? Am I so out of touch that going out on a school night is cool now?


There have been a few things recently that when I have thought about them, I have said to myself, "god, I'm getting old".


  • As said above, I have no idea who is in the charts
  • I actually thought to myself the other day, " I wonder where my slippers are"
  • The fact I wanted a pair of slippers
  • If I go out (which is rarely) I will take a coat with me
  • I now think "God they must be cold" when I see women in skirts on a night out.
  • When I go to the pub, I sometimes order a coffee.
  • I'm starting to enjoy some British dramas on TV (I generally hate British TV but Liar has been great!)
  • A quiet night in beats going out on the piss
  • Wanting to buy Werthers originals!
So, what things have made you say to yourself "I'm getting old"?

Let me know in the comments

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October 12, 2017

Old School Posts Linky 11

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October 09, 2017

The Vasectomy Chronicles 2 - The consultation

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Did anyone else spend their Thursday morning getting their nuts felt by a giant man?

No?

Just me then! TMI I know, but you have seen the title of this post and decided to read on anyway!


Back in July, I wrote the first post detailing my decision to have a vasectomy and the ensuing doctors visit. You can read that post here.
After my visit to the Doc he told me the next letter i would receive would be detailing my appointment, as they would do it there and then with it being a quick procedure. Nice one I thought, my nuts did not think this.

Around the end of August, I got a letter from the NHS. This'll be my appointment I thought. Nope! It was a letter to a consultation, it was made very clear that this wasn't my procedure. There was a pack to read about what will happen during the procedure and what to expect afterwards.

"I bet I have to get the boys out at this appointment" 

No, you won't the Mrs said. Kerry wanted to come with me as she wanted to hear what they had to say also as the brochure (that isn't quite the right word) stated I needed to have 48 hours off work and rest with my feet up. I'm all for resting and putting my feet but I can't afford to take a sick day so Ronnie and Reggie can recuperate.

Once we got to the appointment, a female nurse came and asked me to come through, not immediately, of course, this is the NHS after all. I wasn't expecting it to be a female nurse due to the fact we would be having a conversation about my meat and two veg for the majority of the appointment. We walked into the room and there was another, younger female there.

"We have a student here today, do you mind if she observes?"

"No" I said, hoping that if Bonnie and Clyde do have to make an appearance in front of two strange women, they aren't all shrivelled up! The nurse informed me that this appointment was basically to see if I qualified to have this procedure on the NHS and to also see if I meet the criteria to have it done at the community doctors and not the main hospital in Hull.

The questions ranged from "How long have you been married?" and "How long have you been together?" Both of which I got right! Phew! Then more standard questions about whether I smoke, take drugs etc. She took my weight and height and worked out my BMI, you have to be under a BMI of 35 to qualify to have it done in a community centre. I came in at a portly 27 but still way under the threshold. I passed all the questions with flying colours, I didn't get a certificate though, or a sticker, or a lollipop! The NHS is really cutting back!

After these questions, she had to read through the pack I had been sent and that I had already read the night before (obviously). She apologised for this but said she had to do it. I was then informed that a doctor would have to come in and "have a feel" as if he could feel the tubes then that could present an issue. She went out to get the doctor as he was with another patient. At this point, I had to ask the student

"What made you want to look at men's bollocks for a living?"

She laughed and told me that she was just on a placement from the university and had to see all parts of the centre but that she did find this fascinating because this is something that she didn't expect.

Neither did I love, neither did I!

It was pants down time!

I was informed the Doc was on his way and I should go behind the curtain and drop my jeans and boxers to my ankles. There was a piece of blue roll to "cover my modesty".

"This ain't big enough love"

Is something I might have said if that were true. It was plenty big enough.

I did as I was told and waited for the doc, the female nurse kept coming in which was extremely annoying, there was no need to be taking selfies with my lads. I heard the doc come in and ask if it was OK for him to come in. I told him yes and he snapped on some latex gloves and got down to some third base type stuff.

I expected to be quite embarrassed by this but I had told myself beforehand that this is something these people will do so many times, they aren't bothered so neither should I be. Plus, it's not as though we'll be going to Subway afterwards together for a meatball sub. The doc checked what he needed to check and I was back in my seat before I knew it. With my pants pulled back up.

I was then given an appointment, 17th January 2018!!

Dammit. At least this gives me plenty of time to buy some extra tight underpants, boxers are not allowed!

I will write another post at the time of having the procedure to let you know how it went and what to expect if you are a man who is thinking of getting this done. Have you had this done? Was it as bad as you thought? Let me know in the comments.

*I have now had the snip, you can read Part 1Part 3 and Part 4 by clicking the links. All my thoughts and how it went are in these posts.


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Monday Stumble Linky
October 05, 2017

Old School Posts Linky 10

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September 30, 2017

I survived!

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"I'm going away for the weekend, that ok?"

As you can tell that was more of a statement from my wife than a question. That was about 3 weeks ago, today is that day.



The kids are now in bed, here is how the day with the devil children went...
September 27, 2017

Old School Posts Linky 9

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September 20, 2017

A new swear word was born

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*WARNING!* This post contains words or phrases that some people may find offensive. If you are sensitive to swear words then please don't read any further. Feel free to share it though as plenty of others love a good swear word.


A week or so ago i decided that my swearing vocabulary needed some new additions. How was I going to bring these new additions into my life? By asking everyone on Twitter of course!



Remember if you get offended by swearing don't read any further! So here goes, here is the list of all the swear words that you guys gave me! Thanks for all your input, it was one of my most engaged tweets for a while LOL! Feel free to use any of these in your daily life.  

  • Fuckadoodledo
  • Cockwomble (my favourite!)
  • Wank stain
  • Bastardo
  • Cuntychops
  • Fuckery
  • Bellend
  • Smurf dicked tree fucker
  • Donkey fucking bag of ball sweat (thanks Jeff for that one, used it already!)
  • Bollockschop
  • Jizzbucket
  • Millions of sperm and you won?!
  • Twatty Bollox
  • Cunty McDickslap
  • Twunt
  • Cuntflap
  • Dick Ssplash
  • Twatbadger
  • Fucktard
  • Gobshite
  • Bunglecunt
This list is by no means exhaustive! If you have enjoyed any of these then leave me a comment of which one was your favourite. Also, feel free to add any others in the comments!

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September 20, 2017

Old School Posts Linky 8

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September 13, 2017

Old School Posts Linky 7

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September 11, 2017

Mickeys Halloween Party

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When we went to Disney World a few years ago it was near Halloween. This meant we could get tickets to go to Mickeys not so scary Halloween party. This is where Magic Kingdom is decorated all Halloweeny (that's right, it's a word).  We decided to go dressed up, and by we, I mean my wife so I had to obey. Joseph and I dressed as Peter Pan. You can clearly see that I only really had a hat on (thankfully). Yes, you can see the Mrs dressed as Wendy, and yes, that is a bedsheet LOL.
September 06, 2017

Old School Posts Linky 6

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