Apparently were being "childish" when we ask to have our bum changed. It's OK for the baby though!
When you first find out your wife/partner/significant other is pregnant, as a bloke, you freak out inside but this freaking out doesn't really worry you until you're passed the baby in the delivery room. Then you think "holy shit, what am I supposed to do with this?!"
I think you can read as many books as you like but really you need to just deal with it, it's the easiest way, and you make it work for you and the mummy.
There's no more useless feeling in the world than being a man when your wife is pregnant and she is ill. There's nothing you can do to make them feel better. Being able to carry a child must be the greatest thing ever but also the worst with how it changes your body.
The worst thing to change a man's body is a bad curry on a night out.
Here are a few things that as a new Dad you don't get told
- You're an asshole for doing this to her! But I thought you wanted a baby?!
- The mother get's a baby shower, you get a lukewarm shower
- Watching your wife in pain when delivering the baby is unbearable
- The love for your child the second it's born is instantaneous
- Who knew you could poo in your hair, even with a nappy on
- People always talk in that stupid baby voice, even though the baby can't talk or understand you and is asleep!
- The mother and child get presents, you get to hold the packaging
- You toast the baby with your mates, 3 years after it's born because your too tired to do it sooner
- Babies have no problem shitting on you whilst you're changing them
- They always throw up on your face when you lift them above your head
- People stop you on the street and talk to you even though you've never seen them before
- You can dress your baby up in the most boyish or girlish clothes but everyone will always get the sex wrong and call it the opposite
- You can't stay overnight at the hospital when the baby is born!
- Everyone thinks they know what's best for you and your baby
There will be plenty more things but these were the things I had no real idea about when we had our first child.
By far the hardest thing that nobody tells you, is how heartwrenching it is to go back to work after paternity leave. I had 3 weeks off with Joseph and Alice and it was so hard. More so with Joseph, as he was our first. About 5 months after Joseph was born I started a new job and had to go away training for a week at a time for 4 weeks altogether and only came back for two days each week. Leaving him and my wife was so hard. No one prepares you for that feeling.
None of that matters though as having children is the greatest thing that we can have. The knowledge that we can make other living people is amazing and watching them grow before your very eyes is unforgettable. Especially when they give you that weird stare and hold eye contact whilst there filling their pants.
You can also read this post and others on the Dadsquad blog. Dadsquad is a blog for Dads to share their thoughts and have some "epic bants" on a weekly basis!